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By Jane, Guest Author for ITNB
Looking back, when my husband and I first started trying to conceive, we had this idea that only beautiful lovemaking was going to create our child. Plain old ordinary sex was just not going to cut it, we thought. Nothing but passionate and loving intimacy was going to get us pregnant.
During our first year of trying, I recall a month or two where we decided not to have sex, even though the timing was right. We were tired or otherwise not feeling up to it that day, so we intentionally skipped it. No child of ours is going to be a product of obligatory sex, we insisted. Our mantra became, “Only the most beautiful kind of lovemaking will create our child.”
As it turned out, that was far from the truth. The doctors have since told us that it will be no lovemaking of any kind—obligatory or otherwise—that was going to get us to our goal. Our only hope for conception was going to be quite the opposite of our original thoughts.
Unromantic, indeed! It is far from intimate; mediated by doctors, nurses, and lab technicians. Forget candle-lit dinners; we use thermometers, pee sticks, and specimen collection cups. In fact, there is a great irony to be found in our fertility treatments: My doctor told me that I can bring the semen sample with me when I go for my intrauterine insemination. My husband’s physical presence is not even necessary.
So, no, there will be no romance in our quest for conception. And that’s not to say that there is no romance in our relationship. Sure, it’s still there. What we’ve really lost is the romance of an idea. This idea which now, in retrospect, seems a bit naïve. We’ve lost the romantic notion that our child, if we are blessed with one, will be created from a physical act of love.
ITNB would like to express our thanks to Jane for her article. We think it is something we can all relate to!
October 12th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
One of many depressing thoughts about infertility is that not only will “beautiful lovemaking” not create our child. . . but in all probability, normal intercourse won’t play any role at all.
I joke that should we conceive through an IUI, I hope our future child never asks where we were when s/he was conceived. . . . because we’ll have to honestly answer that we were in completely different parts of town at the time!
I only joke ’cause it’s easier than crying.
October 27th, 2009 at 8:50 am
I wonder about the “Where do babies come from question?” too. My answer will be “When a mommy and daddy really love each other, they go to the doctor…”
And I agree with you Sharon – you have to keep a sense of humor. It also helps to know you’re not the only one wading through this garbage dump of a situation.