Comments on: They Just Don’t Get It, They’ll Never Get It http://infertilityisthenewblack.com/they-just-don%e2%80%99t-get-it-they%e2%80%99ll-never-get-it/#utm_source=feed&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=feed Emotional Feelings and Sensitivity Training Fri, 02 Mar 2012 17:41:03 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: louise http://infertilityisthenewblack.com/they-just-don%e2%80%99t-get-it-they%e2%80%99ll-never-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3844 louise Sat, 30 Jul 2011 23:38:59 +0000 http://infertilityisthenewblack.com/?p=100#comment-3844 My father sent me an email last night that essentially said, 'well, you're lucky you have a career, and you need to focus on that when this doesn't work out' i didn't say to him that if there was any way financially that i could walk away from my career right now, i would. I'm in between cycles on an egg donor program in the US, I'm Australian. I was diagnosed with Premature ovarian failure when i was 37. after two failed IUI's one failed transfer and a chemical pregnancy, I'm in the position of not only having to wait to go back because of work demands, but the indignity of all of my menopause symptoms haunt me when the hormone payload is down. Not sleeping, the drenching night sweats, flushes as the hormones shift around etc. There are so many levels on which no one gets it. And i'm so tired of being the emotionally available one trying to gently (or not so much) let them know what's going on. they need a kind of action template. If i had cancer and was going through chemo they would have a better idea of what to do. My father sent me an email last night that essentially said, ‘well, you’re lucky you have a career, and you need to focus on that when this doesn’t work out’ i didn’t say to him that if there was any way financially that i could walk away from my career right now, i would.

I’m in between cycles on an egg donor program in the US, I’m Australian. I was diagnosed with Premature ovarian failure when i was 37. after two failed IUI’s one failed transfer and a chemical pregnancy, I’m in the position of not only having to wait to go back because of work demands, but the indignity of all of my menopause symptoms haunt me when the hormone payload is down. Not sleeping, the drenching night sweats, flushes as the hormones shift around etc.

There are so many levels on which no one gets it. And i’m so tired of being the emotionally available one trying to gently (or not so much) let them know what’s going on. they need a kind of action template. If i had cancer and was going through chemo they would have a better idea of what to do.

]]> By: Natalie http://infertilityisthenewblack.com/they-just-don%e2%80%99t-get-it-they%e2%80%99ll-never-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3843 Natalie Wed, 22 Jun 2011 23:28:12 +0000 http://infertilityisthenewblack.com/?p=100#comment-3843 What you say is so true. Don't get me wrong I am happy for my friends who have gone through fertility treatments and were lucky enough to get it to work the first time. But what they don't understand is the emotional pain that is involved when it does not work. It is like standing in line to get on a roller coaster. You are filled with anticipation and scared to death to get back on that coaster of emotions. But at the same time you know that if you let fear get the best of you and you step out of line you could be missing out on the ride of a lifetime. So hard to know what to do. Continue on with treatments or call it quits. And all you have to look forward to when you call it quits is people saying to you "Oh I know so and so and the minute they gave up they got pregnant." What you say is so true. Don’t get me wrong I am happy for my friends who have gone through fertility treatments and were lucky enough to get it to work the first time. But what they don’t understand is the emotional pain that is involved when it does not work. It is like standing in line to get on a roller coaster. You are filled with anticipation and scared to death to get back on that coaster of emotions. But at the same time you know that if you let fear get the best of you and you step out of line you could be missing out on the ride of a lifetime. So hard to know what to do. Continue on with treatments or call it quits. And all you have to look forward to when you call it quits is people saying to you “Oh I know so and so and the minute they gave up they got pregnant.”

]]> By: susy http://infertilityisthenewblack.com/they-just-don%e2%80%99t-get-it-they%e2%80%99ll-never-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-126 susy Fri, 15 Jan 2010 19:49:13 +0000 http://infertilityisthenewblack.com/?p=100#comment-126 Here from CDLC too! A very honest post! And while, I want to tell you, "I know how you feel", I'm not sure how it would received. I struggled for months whether to continue blogging and how to do so after my infertility adventures had changed paths. I didn't want to offend anyone - through cyberspace or IRL - by having it seem I was being insensitive to the IF community. I completely agree that the outsiders of IF don't fully get it, but I think those of us that are in the middle of "outside" and "IF", do get it and want to support you and others. At least I do! We're all one people. Here from CDLC too! A very honest post! And while, I want to tell you, “I know how you feel”, I’m not sure how it would received. I struggled for months whether to continue blogging and how to do so after my infertility adventures had changed paths. I didn’t want to offend anyone – through cyberspace or IRL – by having it seem I was being insensitive to the IF community. I completely agree that the outsiders of IF don’t fully get it, but I think those of us that are in the middle of “outside” and “IF”, do get it and want to support you and others. At least I do! We’re all one people.

]]> By: Lut C. http://infertilityisthenewblack.com/they-just-don%e2%80%99t-get-it-they%e2%80%99ll-never-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-120 Lut C. Wed, 06 Jan 2010 21:26:23 +0000 http://infertilityisthenewblack.com/?p=100#comment-120 Popped over from the crème de la crème list. A thought-provoking post for me, I must say. My experience is also that outsiders don't get it. However, my limited experience taught me that 'sensitivity training' (which in essence was what I subjected a couple of my friends to) only alienated the people I was counting on for support. They tried very hard to empathize, but I kept rebuking them because what they said chafed me. I lost at least one friendship that way, and I regretted that. So on the one hand, I'm trying to accept imperfect support, on the other I'm reserving some emotions for people who do know what I'm going through. Not to say I wouldn't still fume at any 'friend' who'd suggest we 'just adopt' or 'just relax'. Words in print often come across different than intended. I only wanted to respond from my experience. In case you were tempted to click over to my blog, be aware that ART worked for me. It sucks that you can't say the same, yet. Popped over from the crème de la crème list.

A thought-provoking post for me, I must say. My experience is also that outsiders don’t get it.
However, my limited experience taught me that ’sensitivity training’ (which in essence was what I subjected a couple of my friends to) only alienated the people I was counting on for support.
They tried very hard to empathize, but I kept rebuking them because what they said chafed me. I lost at least one friendship that way, and I regretted that.
So on the one hand, I’m trying to accept imperfect support, on the other I’m reserving some emotions for people who do know what I’m going through.
Not to say I wouldn’t still fume at any ‘friend’ who’d suggest we ‘just adopt’ or ‘just relax’.

Words in print often come across different than intended. I only wanted to respond from my experience.

In case you were tempted to click over to my blog, be aware that ART worked for me. It sucks that you can’t say the same, yet.

]]> By: Pamela http://infertilityisthenewblack.com/they-just-don%e2%80%99t-get-it-they%e2%80%99ll-never-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-47 Pamela Fri, 18 Sep 2009 14:38:27 +0000 http://infertilityisthenewblack.com/?p=100#comment-47 Great post. There are few things are as maddening as choosing between friends and family who tune out or can't wrap their heads around when you try to explain infertility, and those who succeeded early (either naturally after having to try a few months longer than they expected or who succeeded via treatment) because they share faux understanding -- "we know what you mean!" .... No, you really, don't. Great post. There are few things are as maddening as choosing between friends and family who tune out or can’t wrap their heads around when you try to explain infertility, and those who succeeded early (either naturally after having to try a few months longer than they expected or who succeeded via treatment) because they share faux understanding — “we know what you mean!” …. No, you really, don’t.

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