Comments on: Becoming Estranged

By: Amelia

Amelia — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 13:46:27 +0000

I would say that if you feel a situation hurts then you should avoid it. Its about protecting, caring and nurturing for yourself. Putting yourself first is about ensuring you have good self esteem. This in turn helps you to have a good self image which helps you to feel you deserve more than to just go along with things just because others expect you to despite the impact being more harm to yourself. The pregnant person or person(s) with children can never really understand this.

If you feel it would rip your heart out to go to a baby shower, christening, or just hang out with a pregnant friend / family member then listen to your feelings telling you what is right for you – dont think about how it might let them down or how it might make them feel – you have to put yourself first in this situation – infertility is about grief and loss which makes you vulnerable to low self esteem – when you have low self esteem you dont always put your own needs first – this awareness is essential in the healing process.

By: Dwindling Contacts | Infertility Is The New Black

Dwindling Contacts | Infertility Is The New Black — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 00:55:03 +0000

[...] a previous article we mentioned that sometimes we become estranged from friends and family because we just don’t want to face their children-filled realities. [...]

By: Coming Out of the Infertility Closet | Infertility Is The New Black

Coming Out of the Infertility Closet | Infertility Is The New Black — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 21:42:52 +0000

[...] two years because I couldn’t handle seeing kids or because I had just gotten a BFN again (see Becoming Estranged below). In a way, it feels like I’m hiding from my life. I hate that. How much of your life have [...]

By: thebabybaker

thebabybaker — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 00:24:00 +0000

oh, i know this all too well: avoidance. i’ve alienated all of my friends and i’ve done a pretty good job of keeping my family at arm’s length as well. but honestly, i don’t think i would do it any other way. it would be too hard if people knew. i can make it up to them later.

By: Kait

Kait — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 06:34:02 +0000

I really enjoyed your post. I have avoided many a situation because I know how difficult it will be. I even avoid baby-ful neighborhoods in San Francisco where I live. Friends of mine just had a baby but I told them months ago that I could not be a part of their joy. DH has to go to all the first birthday parties of his friend’s children without me (luckily none of my close friends have kids yet). It’s amazing how hard it can be in this kid-centric world we live in. And what sucks the most, is I used to adore that aspect of the world. Small children, the sight of which used to make me so happy, now fill me with sadness and despair. I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.

Thank you for writing this post. It’s nice to feel validated. Good luck on your journey.

By: micrimas

micrimas — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 12:09:01 +0000

I became infertile at 19. Didn’t think about it much during my 20s. When I married, I immediately gave the DH a timeline of when I wanted to adopt or try surrogacy. It took decades for me to become a mother, at the age of 46, via Traditional Surrogacy. I have twin sons. In all of that time, I worked with children, volunteering, teaching, mentoring. It didn’t get hard until we were actively TTC with our surrogate and month after month of failure.

Once we almost gave up. I could not even go into Walmart, Target, Grocery stores. Seeing families with children was torture. Because I am an older mom my circle of friends have teens for the most part so I didn’t have to limit myself.

However, the overwhelming feeling of devastation and the thought that my dreams of becoming a mother come back to me, fresh as ever, despite toddler twin sons, just reading your topic. It was VERY hard to get out “in the real world” when we were TTC and failing. Before that, no problem. Now that I am a mom, all I can say is this. Do not give up and try because it costs you NOTHING to try. Just sitting and waiting for it to happen, not being proactive, will just cost you a lot of pain.

By: Fertility Chick

Fertility Chick — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 17:44:57 +0000

I’m not sure if I’ve figured out the answer – but I so needed to see this post. This has been on my mind a lot lately. A LOT. I have become a ’serial’ non-attender for many functions that are kid-centred (showers, especially). I can definitely relate to the estranged feelings that can follow.

Thank you for this.