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These three adjectives are a mainstay in our lives now-a-days. They could be used to describe our thoughts, emotions and feelings at many given moments.
Why are we so angry? Well, that’s obvious. We do not have a child yet. Delving deeper, because we do not have a child yet our lives are on hold going through this madness. To let something else out, we are angry, and at the same time reluctantly happy for our friends for being able to have multiple kids with little to no effort. We are mad that this process is costing us money we did not plan on spending.
This anger goes hand in hand with frustration. We are frustrated that all of our efforts have failed. All the doctors’ visits, all the medications and all the painful shots have been for nothing. It is frustrating that we are the only ones in our group of friends and family that are childless. It winds us up so tightly that other things around us such as work, chores, and meaningless tasks frustrate as well.
Of course this inevitably leads to depression. While it may or may not be clinically diagnosed or have a need for anti-depressant medication, all of this makes us feel down in the dumps. There are days we do not want to get out of bed. Each time we receive bad news about a cycle we spiral further into sadness. We can pick ourselves up and get motivated for potential next steps but sooner or later depression will hit us again.
What a vicious cycle.
If it sounds like we are dramatizing the helplessness of our situation, don’t worry, its not an act. This is real and how we really feel.
July 28th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
right on board with this post. and think the one thing that could be added is exhaustion–emotional exhaustion. while often i feel physically exhausted, it seems like the emotional kind is more overwhelming and ever present. that combination of feeling angry, frustrated and depressed just takes its toll. it leaves me feel unable to feel much of anything else, which throws another wrench into that cycle, because it’s not “who i am.” i have always been such a happy, pleasant, funny person. and this has made me feel so cynical and biting.
thanks for this post–and for the site all together. i’m not new to dealing w/ infertility, but i am new at seeking support from the interwebs. i must say it’s bittersweet to know so many others go through the same thing. it’s such a relief to find a place where others share experiences similar to mine, but so disheartening to realize what a vast problem this is, and what significant suffering is going on all over.
April 12th, 2010 at 3:07 pm
That was a great post. I couldn’t agree more with your sentiments. Thanks for the effort. Great looking site by the way.
March 4th, 2011 at 11:51 am
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May 22nd, 2011 at 4:57 pm
Is there ever a point where you just stop hoping or am I destined to be drug through this vicious cycle for the rest of my life? Seems like everyone who so much as “hooks up” can get pregnant but I have been married for 8 years and am still sad and hoping. PS. How do people afford IVF? I have a good job but can only afford the low level fertility regimens (clomid/metformin). If i could take out loans and do IVF, how could I even afford my kids if it worked? I am so angry and sad and just tired but no matter what i do, the cycle continues