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A pretty typical question couples (or individuals) ask themselves. After being diagnosed with Infertility – you can’t help but feel broken at times. Doctors tell you have this issue, you have that issue, it might be this, it might be that and so on – ahhh! – too much to process.
If you are like us, in addition to feeling broken, you may feel guilt. Although you know that you should not feel broken and guilty because your diagnosis is a physical problem and doesn’t have anything to do with you as a person….it is still a REAL feeling that waxes and wanes.
This guilt sometimes can interfere with your marriage. As a couple, we know that we are in this together, but we can’t help feel that the other would not have to deal with this annoyance if we weren’t married to each other. These feelings can even get to the point where one person actually verbalizes these thoughts by asking the other to leave for greener pastures.
All we can do is try to stay strong and support each other without question. We might not be broken in the true sense of the word, but our hearts surely are…
July 8th, 2009 at 10:54 am
And sometimes it can ultimately break a couple – as it did with me and my now ex-fiance. Would we have had the stress early on in our relationship without infertility? We would have had some certainly, but the infertility was a great black cloud – I felt chased, hunted by infertility – ever present. Would my fiance have broken up with me had I gotten pregnant or had a baby – no way. He made that crystal clear. Would we have ended up apart eventually? Perhaps, like 50% of marriages we wouldn’t have made it, but for us (moreso for him) infertility was insurmountable.
July 13th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
I often feel broken, and I definitely feel guilty. . . . especially because we are “unexplained” and our RE has told us that the most likely explanation for our infertility is my age (38).
I have known my husband badly wants to be a father since early in our dating, and he is an only child. Yeah, there is loads of guilt here for me.