Avoidance. It is something that we infertile couples tend to do when situations arise that will be emotionally difficult to handle. Strong examples of this would be to decline any and all invitations to baby showers, children’s 1st birthdays, baptisms and the like. Turning these events down does not mean that we don’t care, but rather it brings us face-to-face with the reality of what we are missing and what we are not celebrating. The upset-o-meter tends to rise quickly if all we see are happy parents and happy children to boot.

After a while of non-attendance, we begin to lose touch with those folks that we used to be very close with pre-kids. Since our lives are going in different directions, or better yet, their lives are going in a forward direction and ours has halted, being able to relate becomes more difficult. Even if we were courageous enough to participate in these functions, conversations are difficult because we’re not sharing the same anecdotes related to children’s’ first this and children’s’ first that.

This estranged feeling is not limited to just friends with children. We happen to observe the same awkwardness within our immediate family. When a family member or relative says or does something insensitive to our infertile situation, we again crawl into our shell. These periods of non-contact can go on for months. Even when apologies and forgiveness are issued, there is still a sense of need to be walking on eggshells from all parties.

We are in charge of who we let into our lives. At this point, in the middle of all this madness, it might just be ok to keep the inner circle very small. There is the old saying that we should not run from our problems, we should face them head on. There is also something to be said about avoiding things that make us uncomfortable. Which one is more relevant?

Research, research – everywhere! What would we do without the internet now-a-days? Not to mention the amount of in-print information that you can pick up at the local bookstore on any given topic. Infertility? Yep, there are plenty of sources to find information beyond your practitioners.

With all of this at our fingertips the obsession of finding the exact cause of our infertility rears its head early and often. Additionally, we search for a “cure” as well. Most of the time, these endless quests lead us down many paths, sometimes multiple paths in concert.

Everywhere we turn; books, magazines, websites, we are reading a multitude of different (and similar) theories regarding infertility. For every author or blogger or expert that has something new to try (i.e. alternative methods, diet, etc), another will contradict that same theory recommending nearly the opposite. Make sure your diet is Gluten Free, no, wait, Gluten is OK, but don’t eat dairy! Make sure you get plenty of exercise but don’t exercise while going through IVF treatments. Start taking herbs but not with medication. Don’t drink caffeine and the list goes on and on…Ugghh! It is enough to drive you crazy and make you question everything…

We try to subscribe to a new theory or a method, sometimes even combining a few simultaneously. Who knows what is helping vs. hurting? The end-of-our-rope has come on more than one occasion. We’ve wanted to give up practicing these theories, but seem to somehow press forward. Are we going to try everything? Maybe so. Can someone please give us the RIGHT information?